Friday, June 10, 2011

If You Can't Stand The Heat...

"Hide not your talents, they for use were made.
What's a sun-dial in the shade?"

Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard's Almanack

Dear Patrons,

A suitable reply to the above question today might well be that a sun-dial in the shade would be cooler.

In an effort to provide relief to ourselves and our readers, we list here time-tested methods of dealing with the summer heat.

1.  If you must labor outside, a fresh, damp cabbage leaf placed 'twixt cap and head will keep you cooler.  This is a centuries old method, most recently employed famously by a ballplayer named Babe Ruth.  Change the leaf every few hours.

2.  Dig a hole.  On a hot summer's day, the bottom of a 6 foot hole will be at least 20 degrees Fahrenheit cooler than the top. For those who shy from this solution, likening it to being laid
untimely in their graves, perhaps use the hole only to store perishable food.  Add a large chunk of ice, well-salted and wrapped in flannel, and your milk, butter, and fresh meat will
keep well.

3.  Should digging a hole prove strenuous in the heat, you may lower your jugs of milk and such to the bottom of your well with the same results.

4.  For those fortunate to have a cellar beneath their homes, 'tis a fine, cool place to dwell on a warm afternoon, all the more so if no one thinks to look for you there.  Bring a book and a few pints of good ale (chilled first in the well) to help pass the hours.  If discretion is unnecessary, leave the book above and bring your friends below for an afternoon of song.

Your humble servants,

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